3 pull-ups

The ultimate test of upper-body strength is to be able to do pull-ups from a hanging position. I attempted to do one last week, and failed miserably. It was actually rather amusing. However, it has now become the thing at the gym I must conquer.

Stay tuned...

With the new year I decided to take the lessons from 2008 and use them to be unbelievably successful in 2009. It was a rough year. For most of it I was unemployed and depressed. Not sad. Depressed (I'm a therapist, I know the difference). I stayed in the house A LOT and reached my highest weight ever. Not pretty.

But that was then!! Now, I've decided to not let my demons win. My focus is on making me better. Then, maybe I can focus on saving the rest of the world. :)

I dug out a prosperity treasure map that I got when I attended Hillside Chapel & Truth Center in Atlanta (yes, I held on to it for over 7 years and it crossed the country twice). I never filled it out. Mostly out of fear and my inability to believe I deserve all the wonderful things I wanted in life. Now the fear is gone. I know what I want. I know I deserve it. And I know I can make it happen.

Here's to a marvelous 2009!

Still hunting

It's been about 7 months since I've had a job; a little over 1 year since I've worked full-time. To be fair, a part of that time was spent trying to get my business off the ground (which was like a full-time, unpaid internship). It didn't grow like I had hoped. So here I am, still looking for work and completely over the whole process. It's becoming more and more difficult to put on the façade of interest at an interview when all I want to say is "look, all I want is the job and a decent paycheck. Who cares where I see myself in 5 years? And why all the stupid 'Tell me a time when...' questions."
It's been particularly hard to keep hope alive; but I haven't given up yet. Not completely, anyway.

DIY Prayer Beads

I never buy newspapers. Never. But yesterday I did. Barack & Michelle were on the front page and I wanted to read the article about their 1st trip to the White House.
I will also add that I wasn't feeling too well yesterday. I had just come from a job fair and was less than enthusiastic about the results. I bought the newspaper on my way home.

So I'm laying in bed, reading my paper and I come across an ad from the Franciscan Friars about St. Jude and his "mission of supporting those who have lost hope" - like a certain someone who has been job hunting for over 6 months.

Am I Catholic? Nope. So this sparks a late-night online lesson on St. Jude, praying the Novena, Hail Mary, and chaplets/rosaries. During the search I flashbacked going to a Saturday mass at the church where JFK and Jackie O. were married when I was in Newport. There was a man sitting next to me who I kept watching as he moved his rosary through his hand. I was mesmerized.

The next morning (today), I'm determined to have myself a chaplet. After a futile search at a variety of stores for beads, I find out that I already have exactly what I need (a deep thought for another day). So I recycled a bracelet given to me by a woman I met "randomly" and a cross I got during my internship at SD Hospice and created the beautiful piece below.




I've been wanting a set of prayer beads since seeing some beautiful Buddhist meditation beads on a Zen website; and then again after watching the man with his rosary. I've used my DIY chaplet already and it's interesting how it slowed down my process, kept me focused and calmed me down; which I guess is the whole point.

How to keep going?

There have been moments when I wanted to completely give up. I just felt tired - physically, emotionally, mentally - and thought I had nothing left to give.
I was reminded of that today while watching the ING New York City Marathon. I was near mile 20 and I thought about the fact that by the time the runners pass me, they have already run 20 miles. I'm certain some of them want to give up. But they don't. What is it that keeps them going? And can I buy a can of it at Target?

Where were you?

I'm sitting in my livingroom watching memorials for the 7th anniversary of 9/11. The one question the reporters keep asking is "do you remember where you were?"

It was a little before 6AM and I was sitting on the floor of my new apartment watching the morning news and eating a bowl of cereal (I had just moved to San Diego from Atlanta 3 weeks earlier). Matt Lauer comes on with the breaking news of a Cessnia (sp?) hitting one of the towers and live video of the smoke. All of a sudden the 2nd plane hits on live TV. My jaw drops. I say "Oh shit!" I stare at the television in disbelief.
I want to stay and watch, but I have to get to work and try to teach. On the drive I try to call my mom to see if we know anyone who works in the area...no phone calls going through.
I get to work and I turn on the TV in my classroom to get the updates. School starts. I turn the TV off. We don't do math. It's hard for everyone to concentrate (teacher included), so we debrief instead. My kids are concerned about me and my family - they know I'm from New York. The faculty and administration are concerned too. I'm touched by the support. I turn on the TV between classes to get updates. The rest of the day is a blur of shock and disbelief.

What I do remember is a complete sense of uselessness. There was nothing I could do to help from the other side of the country.

As I sit here watching 2 young ladies read the names of those who died, I'm thinking of how I can best serve my city. Several ideas are running through my head. There are so many people in need and I have the time and talent to help. I love my city. Watching so many New Yorkers hurting hurts me. It motivates me. I've been too blessed to not pay it forward.