Being a predator sure is tiring...

I've been on the hunt for quite some time. On the hunt...for a job and a place to call home. The hunt for the apartment is coming to an end. I'm moving at the end of the week. The hunt for a job will come to an end when it does. So I continue to do all the things one does when looking for work. But as the title says, it sure is tiring.

Fortunately for me, I have one of the best support systems a girl could ask for. Whether it's financial or emotional support, I have been spared from hitting rock bottom. I'm not homeless, hungry, nor deeply depressed. And for that, I am oh so grateful. There have definitely been some crappy days/weeks/months in my recent past. In that same time I've traveled on an amazing spiritual/existential journey that has resulted in some serious growth. I'm still on that journey.

So today I'm grateful for:
1. A much needed 3 hour "nap".
2. Needle & thread
3. Buddhism Is Not What You Think: Finding Freedom Beyond Beliefs by Steve Hagen

Grateful for me?!!

The most amazing thing happened this evening. One of my couples had their last session. They gave me a card and a small gift. I was really touched by the words they wrote in the card. They were expressing their gratitude for me and the work I did with them.

It's a strange feeling to know that I directly impacted the life of others. It's a mix of excitement, humbleness, surprise and pride. I am still getting used to someone saying "thank-you" to me. There is still a teeny-tiny part of me that wants to say "Really?" when I hear a complement about my work. Much smaller than it used to be, but still present.

There's a difference between knowing (intellectually) that I am a more than competent marriage consultant and knowing it. I can objectively say that I have the education and experience to do what I do well. It's another to believe it in your core - being confident without letting it turn to cockiness. Talk about a balancing act.

All that to say, it's MARVELOUS getting positive reviews from someone who is not family or a friend. Makes it hard for me to use the "it's because they love me" argument.

Change: The only conststant

It's amazing how tightly people hold on to the past because it's comfortable. And by "people", I mean me. Even if it's near the top of the not-beneficial list, I hold on because I know how to live with it. To be clear, I am well aware of how certain things hold me back and have even let go a few times. The problem comes when I go back in search of these maladaptive habits & thoughts because the unknown is too freaking scary.
Yes, I've moved across country...twice. Yes, I gave up "good work" to go back to school and switch careers. I embrace change. Sometimes.

Lucky for me, I have people in my life who recognize when I'm back-sliding and challenge/help me let go of old, bad habits. I've come to accept the process. It's a bit like rehab. I may relapse. That's ok. I may never relapse. Even better. No need for judgment. That's just an invitation for the bad habits/thoughts to come back for an extended vacation.

I'm in the process of letting go of the thoughts and habits that have held me back. This time I'm not worrying about how long it'll last and if I'll relapse again. All that does is keep me stuck. I'm working in the moment. No judgment. No elaborate plans. One minute at a time.

Gratitude List

Today was a great day! I learned a lot and felt a lot of love. So here's today's list.

1. Ingrid's encouragement. She's the best!

2. Lisa's help. She gave me some wonderful ideas. She has wonderful energy and I'm so glad I met her.

3. A beautiful day in New York City.

Gratitude List

1. The many wonderful women at the Consultant's Connection lunch.

2. The best birthday party for a 4-year old EVER!

3. A great morning walk.

Giving Thanks

It's important that those I love KNOW that I love and appreciate them. Here's the e-card I sent to my girls who helped me celebrate my 33rd b-day.
Cost: FREE
Added value to relationship: PRICELESS

Make a Smilebox free ecard

1 Year Anniversary

Yesterday marked the 1 year anniversary of my return to New York. And what an interesting year it has been. I've already had 2 different jobs, started a business, lived in 3 different places and have met and reconnected with some great/interesting folks.
I do miss San Diego, at times. The beach, my friends...that's about it. I look upon those 6 years of my life with (mostly) fond memories. But now I'm here...in the Big Apple...and loving it! I can't wait to see what this year has in store for me.

Golden

The past few days have been FREAKIN' AWESOME. It's amazing, but not surprising, the wonderful-ness that comes my way when I decide to live from a place of unwavering faith, abundance and positive energy. Crap still happens. It just doesn't have the same effect as when I'm living from a place of uncertainty, limitation and negative energy.

Amazing...

The Secret

So today, a few friends and I watched "The Secret". Lo and behold, it wasn't much of a secret. The Law of Attraction is being shouted from the roof tops by a plethora of practitioners. It's just a question of who's going to listen and practice with unwavering faith. I used to be that way. Then things happened and I wasn't. And now I'm in the middle deciding which way to go.
I can honestly say, God has been placing a few not-so-subtle clues in my path to get me back to living a life of unwavering faith. And I have noticed each and every one of them. Mostly because living that way is FREAKIN' AWESOME and a big part of me is screaming "come on already!!!"

As I write this, I'm trying to figure out...what the hell's the problem? Do I even need to know, or can I just start right now? Make the decision and the decision is made.





The decision has just been made.

Getting old

Since my last post my grandmother turned 90 and we had a big shindig in her honor. It was lovely, great to see family, yadda-yadda-yadda.

Do you know how OLD 90 is? I'm 32. This means to get to where she is, I'd have to do my life almost two more times - without the part where I need to learn to walk/talk/read. It's unfathomable. I'm just saying...that's a lot of time to either do some GREAT things or f*ck up.

Life

Yesterday evening, we celebrated my grandmother's 90th birthday. That's right, 90 years. She was born in 1918. As one of my brothers said in the welcome, 1918 to most of us is a year in the history books. What a blessing to have witnessed the MANY changes that have happened in this country during her ninety years. I am definitely grateful to have her in my life.

I figured that if I make it to 90 years old, it will be 2065. I wonder what the world will be like then. Whatever it's like (environmentally, politically, economically, socially), I just pray that I am surrounded by love the way my grandmother was last night.

Gratitude List

1. My education

2. My friends

3. My family