I will always be a New Yorker...

After 1 year and 8 months of New York City living, I'm moving on. Next stop, Durham, NC. The home of my father. I'll be moving in 2 weeks and get more and more excited about it each day. I went for a visit last week and was amazed at how much I enjoyed the absence of noise. I got to meet my new niece & my new boss. I enjoyed the company of family and friends. And I hated to leave. But it's okay, because I'm going back really soon.

When I first moved to San Diego, I asked a friend how long she thought I would stay. Her guess was 4 years - I stayed 6. If anyone asked how long I planned on staying in New York, my answer was that I planned on growing old and dying here. I'm not so sure of that anymore. I won't even venture to guess how long I'll be in NC.

In my heart, I'll always be a New Yorker. Though not a stereotypical New Yorker, I'll always have a bit of an edge about me. I will ALWAYS love the Yankees, Times Square and Central Park. I'll miss dropping by my parents' house, showing visiting friends around town, and "hanging in" with my brother/roomie. Luckily, I have reasons to come back regularly. NYC has a special place in my heart. I will miss it, but am not all that sad to say good-bye.

What a difference 3 weeks makes...

I just read my entry from 3 weeks ago. I was all pumped up from the start of the new year, my treasure map and the hope of an marvelous 2009. It has been a roller coaster of emotions. Mostly vacillating between scared and excited with a bit of indifference in the middle.

Watching Ali Velshi declare today (officially yesterday) Bloody Monday didn't do much for my absolute resolve and unending determination to find a job (a good one). I may have to stop watching the news for a while. There's nothing new to see. Obama is in, Blagojevich talks too much, the Right disagrees with the Left and vice versa. It's like a soap opera. It won't take too long to catch up after not watching for a while.

I've got work to do. Deciding to stay or go, securing employment, filling out forms, etc., etc., etc. In the words of one of my favorite people I need to "keep the main thing the main thing, and keep the main thing first."

The big debate...

I'm thinking of moving...again. The never-ending cold days aren't helping any. I want to head south AND stay close to family. I want to stay in New York, yet I don't. I'm sooooo torn.

If I leave I'd need to
- to buy a car
- find a place to live (depending on my destination)

If I stay I'd need to
- get used to NYC commuting
- resign to being FAR from decent nature
- resign to NYC winter

Clearly, I don't have a compelling argument on either side. Still debating.

Show Your Spark Day!

My next tattoo

When I got my second tattoo, I told myself I was done. But now...I feel the need to mark this stage in my life...literally. Nothing describes me better (at this moment) than a phoenix. Maybe a late Christmas present to myself with my second paycheck.

Next step. Land a job.

With the new year I decided to take the lessons from 2008 and use them to be unbelievably successful in 2009. It was a rough year. For most of it I was unemployed and depressed. Not sad. Depressed (I'm a therapist, I know the difference). I stayed in the house A LOT and reached my highest weight ever. Not pretty.

But that was then!! Now, I've decided to not let my demons win. My focus is on making me better. Then, maybe I can focus on saving the rest of the world. :)

I dug out a prosperity treasure map that I got when I attended Hillside Chapel & Truth Center in Atlanta (yes, I held on to it for over 7 years and it crossed the country twice). I never filled it out. Mostly out of fear and my inability to believe I deserve all the wonderful things I wanted in life. Now the fear is gone. I know what I want. I know I deserve it. And I know I can make it happen.

Here's to a marvelous 2009!

Personality Quiz

I'm not quite sure what to do with this info, other than acknowledge that it seems to describe me pretty well.

I took the 43 Things Personality Quiz and found out I'm a Self-Knowing Spiritual Reinventer

Still hunting

It's been about 7 months since I've had a job; a little over 1 year since I've worked full-time. To be fair, a part of that time was spent trying to get my business off the ground (which was like a full-time, unpaid internship). It didn't grow like I had hoped. So here I am, still looking for work and completely over the whole process. It's becoming more and more difficult to put on the façade of interest at an interview when all I want to say is "look, all I want is the job and a decent paycheck. Who cares where I see myself in 5 years? And why all the stupid 'Tell me a time when...' questions."
It's been particularly hard to keep hope alive; but I haven't given up yet. Not completely, anyway.

Sleep

It's been an "interesting" few weeks. And by interesting, I mean crappy. Not all the time crappy, just mostly crappy. And when life gets crappy, I have a habit of staying up late (zoning out) watching tv. Needless to say, I'm very tired. Right now. And should be going to bed. But I probably won't get in for at least another hour (11PM) - which for me is early. But the first step is logging out and closing the laptop...

My resume

Earlier today I discovered Wordle.com. Below is an interpretation of my current resume (Click it for a better view.)

DIY Prayer Beads

I never buy newspapers. Never. But yesterday I did. Barack & Michelle were on the front page and I wanted to read the article about their 1st trip to the White House.
I will also add that I wasn't feeling too well yesterday. I had just come from a job fair and was less than enthusiastic about the results. I bought the newspaper on my way home.

So I'm laying in bed, reading my paper and I come across an ad from the Franciscan Friars about St. Jude and his "mission of supporting those who have lost hope" - like a certain someone who has been job hunting for over 6 months.

Am I Catholic? Nope. So this sparks a late-night online lesson on St. Jude, praying the Novena, Hail Mary, and chaplets/rosaries. During the search I flashbacked going to a Saturday mass at the church where JFK and Jackie O. were married when I was in Newport. There was a man sitting next to me who I kept watching as he moved his rosary through his hand. I was mesmerized.

The next morning (today), I'm determined to have myself a chaplet. After a futile search at a variety of stores for beads, I find out that I already have exactly what I need (a deep thought for another day). So I recycled a bracelet given to me by a woman I met "randomly" and a cross I got during my internship at SD Hospice and created the beautiful piece below.




I've been wanting a set of prayer beads since seeing some beautiful Buddhist meditation beads on a Zen website; and then again after watching the man with his rosary. I've used my DIY chaplet already and it's interesting how it slowed down my process, kept me focused and calmed me down; which I guess is the whole point.

Interview

I woke up this morning all ready to go to a job fair that I just learned about late last night. I was dressed and almost out the door. Then, in a moment of divine intervention, a man on the television said "today, Monday November 10, 2008". And at that moment I distinctly remember the posting reading November 11,2008. But unsure, I quickly walk to my laptop to confirm my fear... it's tomorrow. So I took off my suit and went back to sleep.

Just one of the many dangers of being online after midnight...