Saturday, August 30, 2008

Being a predator sure is tiring...

I've been on the hunt for quite some time. On the hunt...for a job and a place to call home. The hunt for the apartment is coming to an end. I'm moving at the end of the week. The hunt for a job will come to an end when it does. So I continue to do all the things one does when looking for work. But as the title says, it sure is tiring.

Fortunately for me, I have one of the best support systems a girl could ask for. Whether it's financial or emotional support, I have been spared from hitting rock bottom. I'm not homeless, hungry, nor deeply depressed. And for that, I am oh so grateful. There have definitely been some crappy days/weeks/months in my recent past. In that same time I've traveled on an amazing spiritual/existential journey that has resulted in some serious growth. I'm still on that journey.

So today I'm grateful for:
1. A much needed 3 hour "nap".
2. Needle & thread
3. Buddhism Is Not What You Think: Finding Freedom Beyond Beliefs by Steve Hagen

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Grateful for me?!!

The most amazing thing happened this evening. One of my couples had their last session. They gave me a card and a small gift. I was really touched by the words they wrote in the card. They were expressing their gratitude for me and the work I did with them.

It's a strange feeling to know that I directly impacted the life of others. It's a mix of excitement, humbleness, surprise and pride. I am still getting used to someone saying "thank-you" to me. There is still a teeny-tiny part of me that wants to say "Really?" when I hear a complement about my work. Much smaller than it used to be, but still present.

There's a difference between knowing (intellectually) that I am a more than competent marriage consultant and knowing it. I can objectively say that I have the education and experience to do what I do well. It's another to believe it in your core - being confident without letting it turn to cockiness. Talk about a balancing act.

All that to say, it's MARVELOUS getting positive reviews from someone who is not family or a friend. Makes it hard for me to use the "it's because they love me" argument.

Monday, August 18, 2008

Change: The only conststant

It's amazing how tightly people hold on to the past because it's comfortable. And by "people", I mean me. Even if it's near the top of the not-beneficial list, I hold on because I know how to live with it. To be clear, I am well aware of how certain things hold me back and have even let go a few times. The problem comes when I go back in search of these maladaptive habits & thoughts because the unknown is too freaking scary.
Yes, I've moved across country...twice. Yes, I gave up "good work" to go back to school and switch careers. I embrace change. Sometimes.

Lucky for me, I have people in my life who recognize when I'm back-sliding and challenge/help me let go of old, bad habits. I've come to accept the process. It's a bit like rehab. I may relapse. That's ok. I may never relapse. Even better. No need for judgment. That's just an invitation for the bad habits/thoughts to come back for an extended vacation.

I'm in the process of letting go of the thoughts and habits that have held me back. This time I'm not worrying about how long it'll last and if I'll relapse again. All that does is keep me stuck. I'm working in the moment. No judgment. No elaborate plans. One minute at a time.