Saturday, December 13, 2008

Still hunting

It's been about 7 months since I've had a job; a little over 1 year since I've worked full-time. To be fair, a part of that time was spent trying to get my business off the ground (which was like a full-time, unpaid internship). It didn't grow like I had hoped. So here I am, still looking for work and completely over the whole process. It's becoming more and more difficult to put on the fa├žade of interest at an interview when all I want to say is "look, all I want is the job and a decent paycheck. Who cares where I see myself in 5 years? And why all the stupid 'Tell me a time when...' questions."
It's been particularly hard to keep hope alive; but I haven't given up yet. Not completely, anyway.

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Sleep

It's been an "interesting" few weeks. And by interesting, I mean crappy. Not all the time crappy, just mostly crappy. And when life gets crappy, I have a habit of staying up late (zoning out) watching tv. Needless to say, I'm very tired. Right now. And should be going to bed. But I probably won't get in for at least another hour (11PM) - which for me is early. But the first step is logging out and closing the laptop...

Friday, November 14, 2008

My resume

Earlier today I discovered Wordle.com. Below is an interpretation of my current resume (Click it for a better view.)

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

DIY Prayer Beads

I never buy newspapers. Never. But yesterday I did. Barack & Michelle were on the front page and I wanted to read the article about their 1st trip to the White House.
I will also add that I wasn't feeling too well yesterday. I had just come from a job fair and was less than enthusiastic about the results. I bought the newspaper on my way home.

So I'm laying in bed, reading my paper and I come across an ad from the Franciscan Friars about St. Jude and his "mission of supporting those who have lost hope" - like a certain someone who has been job hunting for over 6 months.

Am I Catholic? Nope. So this sparks a late-night online lesson on St. Jude, praying the Novena, Hail Mary, and chaplets/rosaries. During the search I flashbacked going to a Saturday mass at the church where JFK and Jackie O. were married when I was in Newport. There was a man sitting next to me who I kept watching as he moved his rosary through his hand. I was mesmerized.

The next morning (today), I'm determined to have myself a chaplet. After a futile search at a variety of stores for beads, I find out that I already have exactly what I need (a deep thought for another day). So I recycled a bracelet given to me by a woman I met "randomly" and a cross I got during my internship at SD Hospice and created the beautiful piece below.




I've been wanting a set of prayer beads since seeing some beautiful Buddhist meditation beads on a Zen website; and then again after watching the man with his rosary. I've used my DIY chaplet already and it's interesting how it slowed down my process, kept me focused and calmed me down; which I guess is the whole point.

Monday, November 10, 2008

Interview

I woke up this morning all ready to go to a job fair that I just learned about late last night. I was dressed and almost out the door. Then, in a moment of divine intervention, a man on the television said "today, Monday November 10, 2008". And at that moment I distinctly remember the posting reading November 11,2008. But unsure, I quickly walk to my laptop to confirm my fear... it's tomorrow. So I took off my suit and went back to sleep.

Just one of the many dangers of being online after midnight...

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

The Next Morning - Newspapers from 11/5/08

Just a few of the front pages from around the country...and one from abroad!











And my personal favorites...

Monday, November 3, 2008

Election Day is tomorrow and I need a plan.

So tomorrow will be the day that America decides if Barack Obama or John McCain becomes president. My plan is to go vote around 10am - after the pre-work rush. But since I live in the "inner-city", will there be lots of non-workers voting after the morning rush, stoping me from avoiding the long lines? Or maybe I should be there right at 6am when the polls open then go back to bed... I've got about 13 hours to decide...plenty of time

Sunday, November 2, 2008

How to keep going?

There have been moments when I wanted to completely give up. I just felt tired - physically, emotionally, mentally - and thought I had nothing left to give.
I was reminded of that today while watching the ING New York City Marathon. I was near mile 20 and I thought about the fact that by the time the runners pass me, they have already run 20 miles. I'm certain some of them want to give up. But they don't. What is it that keeps them going? And can I buy a can of it at Target?

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Back seat chilling

I'm sitting in the back seat of my brother's car headed back to New York. I spent the last 12 days in Newport, RI on a vacation I didn't know I needed. Now I'm headed back to reality...the reality of job hunting and more job hunting.

Friday, October 24, 2008

One Month Later...

So much has happened, yet I'm in the same place I was a month ago (more on that another day). I've been in Rhode Island for the past week and am loving it! It hasn't gotten cold yet, so I can still go out during the day and enjoy the autumn air, the changing leaves, the wharf in downtown Newport and the beach. I have taken a trip to the water almost everyday I've been here. It never gets old.








I haven't felt so centered...dare I say...normal...since I moved to NYC. I have a new appreciation for the life I left behind. It doesn't mean I'm headed back to the west coast. I love being close to my family too much. But I am considering a compromise.

Stay tuned...

Monday, September 22, 2008

To my readers...

I would love it if you comment (past or future entries). Let me know what you think about my thoughts. Do you agree/disagree? Have any words of wisdom, sarcasm, love, annoyance, or plain ol' unsolicited advice? Share them with me.

I double-dog dare you :)

Sunday, September 21, 2008

Options

Maybe I'll join the Army and become a linguist. The age limit to enlist is 42...
Or maybe not.

Thursday, September 18, 2008

The neighbors

I'm up listening to the police evict my new neighbors from the apartment downstairs. Greg and I moved in 2 weeks ago and from the first day, they were...uummmm...weird. They never spoke to either of us. It now makes sense that they were trying to not draw attention to themselves; which is hard to do since it's a 3 family house and the first floor apartment was vacant. We were the only 2 occupants of the building and was just weird to not speak...ever. And if you know me, it wasn't for lack of trying.

A few minutes ago, the lady of the house got put into a squad car and taken away. The super just finished changing the locks on their apartment door, and they gave us a new key to the main door. After the drama was all over I said to my brother, "You know, just when I think I've got it bad, there's some one else who's got it way worse."

Yes, I'm unemployed. Yes, the current state of the economy may make it impossible for me to get a small business loan. Yes, all of the folks in NYC looking for work make for stiff competition. BUT, I have a home. I haven't gone hungry one day yet. And although the creditors are calling and the budget is super-duper tight, I have what I need. And I'm not spending the night in jail because I got evicted. I can't even imagine.

It's unfortunate that it sometimes takes another person's misfortune to realize my life really isn't as bad as I think. My life has definitely seen better days. But it could be a whole helluva lot worse. Not a new life lesson, but one that clearly needed reteaching.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Where were you?

I'm sitting in my livingroom watching memorials for the 7th anniversary of 9/11. The one question the reporters keep asking is "do you remember where you were?"

It was a little before 6AM and I was sitting on the floor of my new apartment watching the morning news and eating a bowl of cereal (I had just moved to San Diego from Atlanta 3 weeks earlier). Matt Lauer comes on with the breaking news of a Cessnia (sp?) hitting one of the towers and live video of the smoke. All of a sudden the 2nd plane hits on live TV. My jaw drops. I say "Oh shit!" I stare at the television in disbelief.
I want to stay and watch, but I have to get to work and try to teach. On the drive I try to call my mom to see if we know anyone who works in the area...no phone calls going through.
I get to work and I turn on the TV in my classroom to get the updates. School starts. I turn the TV off. We don't do math. It's hard for everyone to concentrate (teacher included), so we debrief instead. My kids are concerned about me and my family - they know I'm from New York. The faculty and administration are concerned too. I'm touched by the support. I turn on the TV between classes to get updates. The rest of the day is a blur of shock and disbelief.

What I do remember is a complete sense of uselessness. There was nothing I could do to help from the other side of the country.

As I sit here watching 2 young ladies read the names of those who died, I'm thinking of how I can best serve my city. Several ideas are running through my head. There are so many people in need and I have the time and talent to help. I love my city. Watching so many New Yorkers hurting hurts me. It motivates me. I've been too blessed to not pay it forward.

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Transitions

Anyone who knows me knows I move around a lot. I'm always in a state of transition. Whether I'm moving across town (like this past weekend), across the country, changing jobs, going back to school, starting a business, or changing my hair color, there is always change. The majorirty of the time, the change is my doing. Even one of my tattoos is a symbol meaning "I'm changing/tansforming my life".

Yes, change is the only constant, but is there something to be said for "stability"? I don't regret any of the decisions and life changes I've made. The twenties should be about exploration and I explored. But now that I'm no longer in my 20's I want to settle down and create a home-base. Not because I "should", but because I'm tired. I don't think I've felt "settled" since I left for college at 18.

This is a radical mindshift for me. What's it like to stay put through life's challenges and not pack up & leave? What's it like to be bored and/or scared and not leave? What's it like to not allow the fear of going down the wrong road to keep you from picking one? (That's deep!)


Now for today's gratitude list:
1. My upcoming trip to Jamaica
2. My niece and nephews who helped me & my brother move.
3. The fan that's doing a wonderful job keeping me cool (no AC).

Friday, September 5, 2008

Gratitude List

Today I am grateful for:

1. My new apartment!!! Things always do work out.
2. My sister-in-law, Fran. She always makes me laugh - even when she's not "being funny" :)
3. NYC Transit. It always takes me where I need to go. It may take an hour & 40 minutes, but I WILL reach my destination.

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

It's tomorrow!

I have this thing about waking up in the morning and not going to bed until tomorrow (meaning after midnight). For a while, I was doing really well and getting the rest I need. BUT the past few weeks, I've not been successful. I can't remember the last time I went to bed before midnight or got 7 (or more) uninterrupted hours of sleep. And since it's almost 2:30AM, it's a wrap for tonight. Oh well, I'll try again tomorrow. Or should I say tonight...

Saturday, August 30, 2008

Being a predator sure is tiring...

I've been on the hunt for quite some time. On the hunt...for a job and a place to call home. The hunt for the apartment is coming to an end. I'm moving at the end of the week. The hunt for a job will come to an end when it does. So I continue to do all the things one does when looking for work. But as the title says, it sure is tiring.

Fortunately for me, I have one of the best support systems a girl could ask for. Whether it's financial or emotional support, I have been spared from hitting rock bottom. I'm not homeless, hungry, nor deeply depressed. And for that, I am oh so grateful. There have definitely been some crappy days/weeks/months in my recent past. In that same time I've traveled on an amazing spiritual/existential journey that has resulted in some serious growth. I'm still on that journey.

So today I'm grateful for:
1. A much needed 3 hour "nap".
2. Needle & thread
3. Buddhism Is Not What You Think: Finding Freedom Beyond Beliefs by Steve Hagen

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Grateful for me?!!

The most amazing thing happened this evening. One of my couples had their last session. They gave me a card and a small gift. I was really touched by the words they wrote in the card. They were expressing their gratitude for me and the work I did with them.

It's a strange feeling to know that I directly impacted the life of others. It's a mix of excitement, humbleness, surprise and pride. I am still getting used to someone saying "thank-you" to me. There is still a teeny-tiny part of me that wants to say "Really?" when I hear a complement about my work. Much smaller than it used to be, but still present.

There's a difference between knowing (intellectually) that I am a more than competent marriage consultant and knowing it. I can objectively say that I have the education and experience to do what I do well. It's another to believe it in your core - being confident without letting it turn to cockiness. Talk about a balancing act.

All that to say, it's MARVELOUS getting positive reviews from someone who is not family or a friend. Makes it hard for me to use the "it's because they love me" argument.

Monday, August 18, 2008

Change: The only conststant

It's amazing how tightly people hold on to the past because it's comfortable. And by "people", I mean me. Even if it's near the top of the not-beneficial list, I hold on because I know how to live with it. To be clear, I am well aware of how certain things hold me back and have even let go a few times. The problem comes when I go back in search of these maladaptive habits & thoughts because the unknown is too freaking scary.
Yes, I've moved across country...twice. Yes, I gave up "good work" to go back to school and switch careers. I embrace change. Sometimes.

Lucky for me, I have people in my life who recognize when I'm back-sliding and challenge/help me let go of old, bad habits. I've come to accept the process. It's a bit like rehab. I may relapse. That's ok. I may never relapse. Even better. No need for judgment. That's just an invitation for the bad habits/thoughts to come back for an extended vacation.

I'm in the process of letting go of the thoughts and habits that have held me back. This time I'm not worrying about how long it'll last and if I'll relapse again. All that does is keep me stuck. I'm working in the moment. No judgment. No elaborate plans. One minute at a time.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Gratitude List

Today was a great day! I learned a lot and felt a lot of love. So here's today's list.

1. Ingrid's encouragement. She's the best!

2. Lisa's help. She gave me some wonderful ideas. She has wonderful energy and I'm so glad I met her.

3. A beautiful day in New York City.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Gratitude List

1. The many wonderful women at the Consultant's Connection lunch.

2. The best birthday party for a 4-year old EVER!

3. A great morning walk.

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Giving Thanks

It's important that those I love KNOW that I love and appreciate them. Here's the e-card I sent to my girls who helped me celebrate my 33rd b-day.
Cost: FREE
Added value to relationship: PRICELESS

Click to play Thank You
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Make a Smilebox free ecard

Sunday, June 22, 2008

1 Year Anniversary

Yesterday marked the 1 year anniversary of my return to New York. And what an interesting year it has been. I've already had 2 different jobs, started a business, lived in 3 different places and have met and reconnected with some great/interesting folks.
I do miss San Diego, at times. The beach, my friends...that's about it. I look upon those 6 years of my life with (mostly) fond memories. But now I'm here...in the Big Apple...and loving it! I can't wait to see what this year has in store for me.

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Golden

The past few days have been FREAKIN' AWESOME. It's amazing, but not surprising, the wonderful-ness that comes my way when I decide to live from a place of unwavering faith, abundance and positive energy. Crap still happens. It just doesn't have the same effect as when I'm living from a place of uncertainty, limitation and negative energy.

Amazing...

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

The Secret

So today, a few friends and I watched "The Secret". Lo and behold, it wasn't much of a secret. The Law of Attraction is being shouted from the roof tops by a plethora of practitioners. It's just a question of who's going to listen and practice with unwavering faith. I used to be that way. Then things happened and I wasn't. And now I'm in the middle deciding which way to go.
I can honestly say, God has been placing a few not-so-subtle clues in my path to get me back to living a life of unwavering faith. And I have noticed each and every one of them. Mostly because living that way is FREAKIN' AWESOME and a big part of me is screaming "come on already!!!"

As I write this, I'm trying to figure out...what the hell's the problem? Do I even need to know, or can I just start right now? Make the decision and the decision is made.





The decision has just been made.

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Getting old

Since my last post my grandmother turned 90 and we had a big shindig in her honor. It was lovely, great to see family, yadda-yadda-yadda.

Do you know how OLD 90 is? I'm 32. This means to get to where she is, I'd have to do my life almost two more times - without the part where I need to learn to walk/talk/read. It's unfathomable. I'm just saying...that's a lot of time to either do some GREAT things or f*ck up.

Sunday, May 4, 2008

Life

Yesterday evening, we celebrated my grandmother's 90th birthday. That's right, 90 years. She was born in 1918. As one of my brothers said in the welcome, 1918 to most of us is a year in the history books. What a blessing to have witnessed the MANY changes that have happened in this country during her ninety years. I am definitely grateful to have her in my life.

I figured that if I make it to 90 years old, it will be 2065. I wonder what the world will be like then. Whatever it's like (environmentally, politically, economically, socially), I just pray that I am surrounded by love the way my grandmother was last night.

Friday, April 11, 2008

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Gratitude List

It's been a while since I've made a list. Trust, it's not that I have nothing to be grateful for. There are LOTS of blessings in my life. Here are my 3 for today...

1. Unexpected income from a dear friend.

2. A beautiful spring day in New York City

3. A lovely meal cooked by my brother.

Monday, February 4, 2008

Gratitude List

1. My family. I had such a great time at my parents house yesterday, watching the Super Bowl while braiding my niece's hair and listening to 3 of my brothers and my dad do that male bonding thing over football and pizza.

2. The New York Giants...for helping to provide a wonderful ending to the evening described in #1

3. Water. It's good and good for me. Time to refill the water bottle.

Monday, January 28, 2008

Gratitude List

1. Inspiration received from Gloria Estefan's song, "Coming Out of the Dark"
2. In Good Company for a place to work
3. The top I'm wearing, which makes my breasts look GREAT

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Gratitude List

Here are 3 things I'm grateful for today:

1. The sun is shining
2. I feel well rested
3. I have a full day ahead of me

Sunday, January 20, 2008

It's all About Perspective

Today I was reminded just how blessed I am. I ran into the mother of a childhood friend. She told me that her daughter has gotten into drugs and is no longer taking care of her children. One is with her (this friend's mother) and the other two are with their father. At one point this young lady was modeling and had a promising career ahead of her. And now her life is focused on her next hit. That made me sad, and I immediately said a prayer for her.

But then a thought came to me... I have spent so much time comparing myself to those in my life I perceive to have more than me, that I never looked at the many ways I am blessed. I have coveted many aspects of the lives of different friends; income, education, relationships, group membership, physical attributes, places they've traveled, etc. You name it, I have a friend who has it in a way I thought I wanted. Talk about depressing. There was no way I could feel good about myself that way.

This is not to say that I am better than this childhood friend of mine, but I do realize that compared to her, I've got it pretty damn good. Compared to a lot of people, I've got it good. Does that mean I don't want new things and can't use the folks in my life for inspiration...absolutely not! It just means that I have to remind myself that not having doesn't mean I'm less than. There is a HUGE difference between being inspired and coveting. The energy is different. The way I feel about me is different.

So as the title says it's all about perspective. Do I look at myself as a "have" or a "have not"? Either way, I'm right.